The Dry Season

It’s a major scam that people tout summer as the most fabulous time of the year.

Here are the three reasons why:

1.) Every sport worth watching is over and we have to wait three long months until God smiles down on us again and football season starts. Once the College World Series are over, we’re left to watch soccer (which I often argue isn’t really even a sport), and the commie-style riots that ensue after no one wins a World Championship match.

I’d rather sit outside in the mid-south without wearing bug spray.

2.) We’re not kids anymore. — Summer rocked when you were 12. But now that we don’t get three-month-long vacations, the concept of summer vacation only applies to kids (lucky bastards) and soccer moms. Instead, we get to sweat our asses off in business suits and make up for our lack of summer vacation on the weekends. This usually involves consuming a lot of beer, which doesn’t help the whole bikini scenario….which leads to my next point.

3.) Hot weather + Beer + More Beer = Bare Beer Bellies. — So, I spend the entire normal year watching sports on the weekends and consuming what some (namely my mother) claim is an unreasonable amount of beer. Then, all of a sudden, the NBA Finals end and summertime begins, and I’m called on to show up at social situations where I’m supposed to wear some sort of spandexy-swimwear contraption and not get mistaken for a large mammal and thus harpooned.

 The one problem? Nine months of beer-drinking doesn’t really bode well for bikini season. I mean, in October, those old college sweatshirts rock my world because they let me represent (GEAUX Tigers) and they let me drink and eat as much as I want, all day long, and no one can see or judge the physical results.

These sweatshirst don’t fly in the summer, and ridiculously hot weather isn’t condusive to climbing onto the wagon either. So, I’ll run a little extra in the air-conditioned gym, but I’m not going to lose my stamina and stop enjoying heavenly brews. Tailgating season is only three months away.

While there’s no getting around summer as a dry season, I guess the only way to get through it is with a cool beverage in hand and a countdown calendar on the cell phone to tick down the days ’til August when we can all put some normal, NCAA trademarked clothes back on and return to the ways of chicken wings and football, all weekend long.

Uhm, you missed one, Reilly…+1 prob people have with Kobe

I love Rick Reilly’s Go Fish column on ESPN.com, primarily for its sub-title, which cites “mind dumps.”

Awesome.

I’ve been thinking about his post-Laker victory, “Too Short for a Column” entry though, where he lists and refutes 5 reasons “most Americans find it impossible to be happy for Kobe Bryant.”

Reilly lists things like “Kobe’s a ball-hog;” “Kobe owns the refs;” etc. But he misses one glaring point that is the reason I’ve always had a distaste for Kobe (aside from the facts that I’m a native Oregonian; Blazer-fan first; Celtics-fan second; and will never, ever, for a trillion-million-bajillion dollars, root for the L.A. Lakers): the dude was a punk-ass who cheated on his wife with a ridiculous woman who then accused him of rape.

No one talks about this whole incident anymore, and you get scoffed at by the Kobe loyal if you even bring it up. I KNOW that the accusing girl’s entire story was 110% bogus, and have always wanted to ask her, “so, what did you thinkwas going to happen if you piled up, SOLO, in a hotel room with an uber-famous NBA player? Did you think it was your chance for Kobe to ‘get to know you’? Really?” The girl was a gold-digger, hands-down.

Kobe was still married and looking to hook up with her though, and that’s what left the bad taste in my mouth. On the one hand, the dude is a ball player. Hearing Duke’s Coach K (IDOL) talk about his amazing work ethic on the Jim Rome show did improve his standing in my mind (which is very significant).

Maybe everyone should sort of stay out of his personal business. Plus, infidelity seems to be “no big deal” in our society…but I guess that’s just my problem. To me, Kobe epitomizes the reality that, if you’re successful enough, smooth enough, and make enough money, you can commit any sort of misdeed and still come out a superstar. I argue that this sort of reality that superstar players ‘play’ out for the masses via the media sort of permeates any value system or sense of normalcy.

Regardless – I know it’s stagnant water under a rusty bridge. Still, it cracks me up that even Reilly won’t admit that, for many, there’ll always be a ghostly elephant in the gym when Kobe’s around.

Letterman’s Bad Form

By now, everyone knows about David Letterman’s tasteless and downright cruel monologue about Sarah Palin and her daughter, Willow, where he said Palin looked light a slutty flight attendant and said that A-Rod (of the Yankees) and knocked Willow up during the 7th inning stretch of a baseball game.

I will assert that Palin nailed Letterman to the proverbial wall in her interview with Matt Lauer. She managed to make Lauer accept some sort of objectivity as a journalist as well (okay, so maybe that’s taking it a bit far. That’s a lot to ask for, really…) I really thought she was spot-on when she said that Letterman didn’t need to apologize to her daughter Willow, but that he needed to apologize to women of all ages in our society for promoting and contributing to the cultural degradation of women, especially young women, that permeates pop-culture and dirties our society.

Of course, this entire scandal/issue brings to mind the Don Imus issue, where Imus called the Rutger’s Womens’ basketball team “nappy-headed hos.”

Both of these pompous assholes were way off base in making these comments. All comments were degrading to women; Imus’s comments were racially offensive; Letterman’s comments should have outraged women, mothers, fathers, brothers, etc.

I don’t, however, believe that Imus OR Letterman should have been/should be fired. They do, after all, work for privately owned media outlets in a country where a free press is a founding principle (although our media has been looking more and more like some extension of the State, but that’s another post….). I say, let Letterman be, because he’s going to have to deal with the long, painful consequences of his “jokes” as viewers and ratings dwindle, advertisers pull-out, and his show slowly sinks into his own angry little ocean.

I haven’t liked Letterman since he morphed from “Late Night Comic” into “Bitter, Politically-Charged Pitbull” during the ‘09 election. Letterman couldn’t hide his political alliances, which is also a freedom he can enjoy, but it’s not something viewers enjoy when they tune in and are expecting good-spirited jabbing at both sides.

To me, his ugly and downright evil remarks about Palin and her daughter are just a festering explosion of his pent-up hatred for anyone who doesn’t share his uber-liberal values.

So, CBS shouldn’t fire Letterman. Whether liberal, conservative, agnostic, Christian, purple, green, black, Muslim, Californian, or a New Yorker, I believe viewers know that this was a huge step over the line. The fact that Letterman made such a joke illustrates his character, and nothing about a nasty, sexist, bitter old man is very funny indeed.

Cutting my Lashes; Growing my Pubes

Really society?

Really?

There’s a new product out for women.

For all you ladies who feel like something is just lacking in your life, and that purchasing another product will certainly make you feel better about yourself, (as opposed to looking inside yourself and assessing all you have to be thankful for and how you can be a better person to those around you), there’s now LATISSE. This is a new lash treatment (FDA approved, nonetheless), that will make your lashes DARKER, THICKER, and LONGER.

NOT. EVEN. KIDDING.

But don’t get too excited, ladies, it’s obtainable by prescription only, even though Brooke Shields would make it as available for you as post-partum depression after your second child.  (Too much?)

I saw the commercial for this ridiculous product the other day and just about lost it. Here’s why.

I’ve been unemployed and looking for a job in this fabulous market since March. But I’m not complaining or whining: something great is coming down the pipeline for me, any day now in fact, and I’m excited about it. But the past few months have forced me to pause and really assess 1.) everything I have in my life to be thankful for; 2.) what matters in my life; 3.) what I want to do with my life; 4.) the person I want to be.

That list is pretty heavy, but the details I’ve come up with to sort of answer those four ‘questions’ certainly don’t involve shit like spending a bunch of insurance money or cash to get longer lashes, fuller lips, or bigger boobs. In fact, everything I want for my life and my future has nothing to do with “things” and everything to do with my own character and my relationships with those around me and the God I answer to.

So, this stupid new product just saddens me because it epitomizes how backwards people’s values and perceptions of what we need for happy, healthy, great lives have become. Sure, media are partially to blame. But ultimately we all need to look into our own souls/selves and decide that the hand we’ve been dealt in this life is a pretty kickass hand indeed. At the end of the day, that’s a choice we all get to make.

It’s also a choice I’m making to revolt against senseless materialism and vanity by cutting my eyelashes and growing out my pubic hair. May not be entirely desireable, but I’m still smarter than those broads who are burning their retinas and dyeing their lashes.

Parental Rights

Media have hounded the Daniel Hauser story over the past week, turning what was, in my opinion not really a newsworthy development, into one of THE media events of the week.

While this seems to be a “best practice” for national TV outlets that I find annoying, this entire story does beg the questions of what defines parents’ rights, what sorts of parental action/inaction warrants state/federal intervention, and at what point, if ever, should lawmakers step in.

This CNN article explores that issue…ending with this quote from one of the story’s sources, who, as a child, had parents who chose not to treat her health issue:

“The situation we have right now is where religious parents get this free pass, where they get to deny their kids some kinds of treatments that other parents don’t have the choice of doing. I don’t think anyone should get a free pass to medically neglect their child.”

I was so tickled that I found this quote, because it speaks right to a question I’ve been pondering….

Media reports, social consensus, and even judge’s rulings are dictating that religious beliefs do notgive parents the right to refuse medical treatments like chemotherapy for their children. Which, in the case of Daniel Hauser and his mother, the Hausers are refusing because they believe in natural remedies, and that chemo and radiation will kill Daniel…so they really believe they’re saving him.

But here’s the big kicker.

Why didn’t media react when Amina and Sarah Said, of Texas, were killed by their Muslim father in a purported ‘honor killing’, back in 2008?

Granted, this may not be as widespread as parents denying health treatments to their children, but what if it is? As Michelle Malkin pointed out in her blog, the MSM didn’t pick up on this story. So what other similar stories are they ignoring?

Don’t know if you’ve heard or not, but there’s a big push for Sharia Law, the body of Islamic religious law, to be internationally applicable…that’s a whole separate 20 postings. But just Google the term and start reading…

I guess the moral of my ponderings is, are we going to become a country where one law/mindset will punish parents who are drawing on their religious beliefs to try and save their children, while at the same time another law/mindset will allow parents (fathers) to murder their children if they feel they’ve violated their religion….?

Just something to think about.

In Memorium…

Happy Memorial Day.

We should all spend this holiday thinking about the men and women who have served and are serving our country.

As we Americans like to take all that is sacred and holy, especially holidays, add a little commercialization and a lot of beer-drinking time, I’ve come up with a list of the meaningful traditions and the more spectacular oddities I’ve noticed Amercians incorporate into their Memorial Day celebrations.

Meaningful Tradition 1: Flags & Flowers. My grandmother was adamant about adorning our deceased relatives’ gravies with flowers on Memorial Day. Of course, the relatives who served received flags too. It was always moving to me, even as a kid, to see the cemeteries decked out with flags and flowers, and to feel all the positive energy emanating from so many people thinking about those who had passed before them.

Meaningful Tradition 2: National Ceremonies. Always moving to see the President place a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknowns and then to hear Taps played. Definitely a cause for pause.

Meaningful Tradition 3: “Buddy Poppies.” In the small town I grew up in, a Vietnam Vet named Gilbert Strom always sold those Buddy Poppies on Memorial and Veterans Day in front of the lone market in our withering town. Gilbert passed this year, and it’s a notable loss this Memorial Day that no one is in front of the market, donning a Veteran’s cap, selling those little fabric poppies.

Meaningful Tradition 4: DC National Memorial Day Parade. In fact, going to DC on Memorial Day would be an amazing experience. Checking out the parade would be equally significant.

Meaningful Tradition 5: Telling a Soldier or Vet “Thanks.” This is something none of us do enough, yet it’s so simple. Just tell ‘em “thanks,” for making the ultimate sacrifice.

Spectacular Oddity 1: Camping Trips. Congress ruins everything. In 1971, they made Memorial Day an official three-day holiday. Which, in all honesty, kicks ass. But it also left the original meaning of Memorial Day at the office. So, to “honor those who’ve served,” Americans from sea-to-sea find it meaningful to load up their entire households, buy-out the grocery store, drive to a less-remote location, and site around a campfire for a weekend. I could see how this would correlate to honoring service men/women if these campers were playing war games in the wilderness or something. But the reality is, they’re just capitalizing on the 3-day weekend to get the hell away.

Spectacular Oddity 2: Camp Trailers. This goes hand-in-hand with the camping trips and is a fascinating study in and of itself. People don’t simply pack a tent, some tarps, sleeping bags and camp chairs anymore. Everyone has these massive camp trailers that have more square footage than any apartment I’ve ever lived in.

Moreover, they’re loaded with every electric device that a regular house has. Some of them even have built-in garages for things like motorbikes and four-wheelers. Which makes sense: why would you want to drive all the way out to the wilderness just to walk around?

These camp trailers are essentially portable houses, and said owners seem to load them up with a grocery supply that could feed a small army….so maybe it does honor the day. But camp grounds turn from peaceful wilderness spots into portable trailer parks. A spectacular study, indeed.

Spectacular Oddity 3: Beer. Lots and lots of beer. I mean, I’m a fan of imbibing on a holiday. But it is hard for me to keep up on these 3-day binges that people seem to take on as challenges on holiday weekends like Memorial Day. The liver is apparently never so punished as it is on Memorial Day weekend. 

Spectacular Oddity 4: Sunburns. Especially in the Northwest where I grew up, it seems like Memorial Day weekend causes pasty people to forget that third-degree sunburns hurt, a lot, especially when the buzz wears off and the skin starts blistering. It’s like the ultimate way for hard-core Memorial Day celebrators to ring in summer is with a badass sun burn. “My skin is so gonna peel.”

Spectacular Oddity 5: Memorial Day Retail Sales. I thought stores were supposed to be closed on holidays?

Yet, the day is another opportunity for retailers from car lots to department stores to offer their already marked-up products at barely marked-down prices. “Let’s go shopping!”

Happy Memorial Day, kids! Thanks to those men and women who serve our country and protect our freedoms.

Crazy Cat Ladies

So I’m not on some big animal-kick these days…

But after writing about people and their dog-friends, I have to touch on Crazy Cat Ladies.

You know who they are: women who own more cats than they do shoes.

Socially awkward, it’s like these ladies acquire as many cats as possible so they’ll have something to contribute in those already-painful office conversations.

 

Got a dog that likes to urinate on people’s legs? Now there’s a story.

Got a cat that acts scary and creepy and is moody all the time? Uhm, ma’am, no one wants to hear about your damned cats.

I do understand if you were born awkward. Join the crowd! But seriously, if you want to help yourself, as opposed to inflict ongoing pain on people you work with or people who you trick into entering your cat-infested house, buy a damned dog and learn how to be normal from your pooch!

P.S. If you’re looking for a roommate on a site like Craigslist, you’re not improving your chances of finding a halfway stable individual if you post pics of your cats like the one above. In fact, I’d hide the damned cats and the litterbox until the new roomie signs the lease and gets all his/her shit moved in.

Dogs: Man’s best friend

Anyone' s best friend!

I grabbed a copy of Marley & Me in the airport the other day and read the entire thing on my very long day-trip.

I’m glad I read the book before I watched the movie (yes, I knowboth are soooo 10 years ago….). It was an easy, wonderful read that reminds a person about what matters in life, and how great life can be if one keeps things simple and fun….as a dog does.

One point that I found interesting is when the author cites the few times he, his father, and a friend had cried in their lives was when their dog(s) had passed. (I’m not saying Marley passes: he’s citing other dogs in his own and other peoples’ lives.)

The author basically says that dogs’ deaths are one of the few things that will enable a man to articulate and expand on his emotions. As a female who certainly abuses my right to talk about these things, this simply blows me away.

I understand that men and women are fundamentally polar opposites as far as their desire to expound upon their emotions and feelings. I believe, however, that most males draw on this generic understanding as a scapegoat so they don’t have to share their feelings and emotions, especially when it comes to relationships with women.

But this is what I don’t understand – many men won’t communicate about their relationships with women, but they’ll unload like a divorcee on Dr. Phil when it comes to their relationships with their dogs.

I know the addage of  ”a dog is a man’s best friend” is a cliche for a reason – it’s held true forever. I would argue that dogs can be a woman’s best friend too. They do remind us how to live with reckless abandon; to enjoy food, take naps, and run and frolic for no good reason and you’ll get your exercise. They exhibit loyalty and forgiveness and pure, unafraid love – all things we as people need to improve on as we’re incredibly imperfect beings.

Some jaded few might say, “well, that’s because men are dogs.” But I don’t necessarily believe this.

Maybe it’s because dogs won’t offer feedback like women will, which often confuses or conflicts the man’s feelings and opinions. Maybe it’s because a man’s love for his dog is more simple than his love for a woman. Maybe it’s because he knows the dog will never leave, so it’s safer and easier to love that dog whole-heartedly, no matter what.

Maybe women will never know the answers to such questions. So, maybe women just need to get their own best dogfriend. The man can share in the love, or not.

Best friend to a man, this hound has been a dear friend for me to lean on during more than one hard time in my life.

My Add-ons to “Lessons for Social Media Marketing”

Mashable.com’s Samir Balwani posted “4 Lessons for Social Media Marketers,” a wonderfully simple article on successful marketing via social media.

I love what he’s written, especially the part about some marketers learning about a platform like blogging and wanting to immediately jump on the platform bandwagon before thorough analysis and consideration about what’s occurring on the platform and how it might be a useful channel to connect with publics, share information, and, most importantly, gauge consumer perceptions and feedback.

I would, however, add the following points:

1.) BE GENUINE.  – - Okay, so anyone halfway familiar w/social media knows that bad marketing strategies are even worse, more drastic, and detrimental when a company spews them onto social media sites. Facebook is a perfect example. Facebook started as an on-line venue for college kids to screw around, post some pictures of themselves looking hot, and check out guys/gals they otherwise had no nerve to look at or speak to. While it’s become totally commercialized, users are still wary of bad attempts to pander products in their faces…or on their pages.

If companies or marketers have a product they believe in though, they can and should talk up that product and why it rocks. If this person is an opinion leader, the message will be all the more affective.

2.) Have a Relevant Message and Good Product. — I’m sorry, but there’s a lot of garbage out there that marketers and businesses try to convince people that they have to purchase or buy into in order to be complete. Truth be told, we could all survive with a lot less…

However, we live in a capitalist society, so if you’re going to peddle your products, make sure your message is relevant and that there’s a smidgen of a chance that your target demographic might actually be interested.

Poor Joe Biden

Anyone else feel sort of sorry for Joe Biden?

Our country’s Vice President has a solid reputation for saying things that come off, well, crazy.

Like when he told Chuck Graham, who was in a wheelchair, to “stand up.”

But his latests statements to Matt Lauer on NBC’s Today show regarding the Swine Flu, don’t seem that ludicrous.
In fact, Biden sounds rather reasonable:

” “I wouldn’t go anywhere in confined places now,” Biden said when Matt Lauer asked whether he would advise family members to use public transportation.” “

What’s so crazy about that?
Nothing, in my opinion, except that it maybe clashes with the non-chalant approach that the OB Admin is using to spin this issue.

Biden is a pawn, which means he’s not supposed to be a genuine human. He’s really not supposed to have his own thoughts or opinions. Who does he think he is, Dick Cheney?